i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
