Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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