my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize