you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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