She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
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A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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