It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
