like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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