Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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