Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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