During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
