youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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