I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
