You're earring is so big in my mouth
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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