i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
