walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
