ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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