Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
