He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
