I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
