I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
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I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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