this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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