My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
