i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
