Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
