That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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