I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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