im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
