Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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