I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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