Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
