Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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