Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
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my being single is dangerous.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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