I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm passing your future prison.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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