WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.