I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
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Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.