You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.