yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.