I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Found the puke drawer
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.