you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
