Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
