Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
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I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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