Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
