she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
