oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize