you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
