did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
false alarm. still invincible.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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