think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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