So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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