Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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