the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Need sex. Gaining weight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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