You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
