My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize