sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
