I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
