girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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