Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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